What to do when there is a death in the work family

Over the past few weeks, the country has been remembering HRH, The Duke of Edinburgh, who died at the age of 99. A mainstay of the Royal Family for the past seventy years, his departure felt like a watershed moment. Not just for the Queen, with questions about how long she will continue to reign for, but also for the institution of the Monarchy itself. A new phase of modernisation beckons, and only time will tell if it enhances or diminishes the monarchy’s long-term relevancy.

We live in perilous times. At the time of writing, the UK has suffered 127,000 deaths from covid 19. Globally, the figure is 3.1m and still rising. Most of these deaths are considered ‘excess’, i.e. over and above usual mortality rates. In the UK, 75% of covid deaths are excess. Events in India show that for the foreseeable future, we will have to live with the spectre of more death than we have been used to. The Grim Reaper is not sat on a cliff top quietly playing chess with Max von Sydow (who died last year). It is stalking every land.

Which means founders need to be aware of the potential impact of grief in the workplace. A study by ONS and Sue Ryder in 2019 revealed that of the 32.8m employees in the UK, 24% had experienced a bereavement within the last year. 2m suffered intense grief. Beyond the personal suffering, this intense grief reduces ability to work (expect an extra 22 days off in six months) and increases the likelihood of suffering related physical and mental health conditions. This costs the UK £23bn pa and the Treasury £7.8bn in lost taxes and higher welfare costs. An economic cost is also paid by those families already suffering an emotional loss.

Significantly, most people felt unprepared and unsupported by their employers, which is disappointing given that this is a foreseeable circumstance. Only 30% had been spoken to about grief and 32% were aware of any bereavement policy. 56% in the survey said they would consider leaving a firm if they did not receive bereavement support.

Founding and building a start-up is not like Fight Club. There are many rules. But close to the top of the list is LOOK AFTER YOUR PEOPLE. You can’t hope to win without a supportive culture. Your primary role in the business is to ensure the staff is happy and motivated, as this is the surest way of ensuring happy customers. It is also the right thing to do.

So if you don’t yet have a bereavement policy, create one soon and communicate it to your staff. This is an HR job, so if you are your firm’s HR department, you will need to consider:

·      Acknowledging grief exists in the workplace. This is perhaps the most important thing as it normalises grief and avoids making a bad situation worse. Grief should not be a taboo subject that everyone feels awkward talking about.

·      Being clear about what bereavement covers (close relatives, distant relatives, friends, pets…)

·      Explaining what employees can expect in the event of a bereavement e.g. 1:1 support, additional time off, flexible work arrangements etc. Most UK firms offer three to five days of bereavement leave, but NGOs are campaigning for this to be two weeks. Facebook gives up to 20 days for the loss of a close relative. Few small businesses will be able to afford this. Remember what you do for one person you will have to repeat for everyone else.

·      Steering people to external support. There are lots of organisations that specialise in supporting the bereaved, and you can direct people to their resources and programmes.

·      Creating your own resources for employees who have to work with someone who is grieving. It will place a strain on them as well as the person directly affected. A key part of this is communicating what the needs of the bereaved are, whether it be offering sympathy or respecting their privacy. It is not possible to walk on egg shells without breaking them, so don’t even try it.

One of the most important things you can do is to support people compassionately when they return to work. While grief follows a clear process (see the famous Kubler-Ross model below), it does not follow any timetable or HR policy. People will need flexibility and an understanding that they will not be at their best until they come to terms with their grief, which can take months. One study suggested employees would be at 70% capacity for the first six months and 95% thereafter. How will you re-arrange workflows accordingly?

Far more depressing, and potentially devastating, is a death within your start-up family. We know because we have experienced it. The first priority is to support the family of the person affected. Let them know there is an open channel of communication, and that you will do what you can.

Next, you have to support the entire staff. Expect disruption and encourage communication. Everyone will deal with it in their own ways. Be empathetic. If you are worried about workflows, find those members of staff who are affected less and can take up the strain for a few days until things settle down.

Give people a chance to say goodbye and encourage them to share happy memories. We wore Hawaiian shirts to the funeral of our beloved colleague, and these became something of a company tradition. I am wearing one to write this. We also commemorated him with our first (and only) company charity football match. We made sure that the traditions that he had started endured, such as naming meeting rooms after characters from Withnail and I.

If you lose a co-founder, then you will need to rise to Shackleton-esque levels of leadership. Until you can re-launch your company with its new leadership team, all eyes will be on you. How well you are coping personally? And adapting professionally? You should consider getting management support as soon as possible. You can bring in new directors, draft in a new co-founder, or give additional responsibilities to someone else in your leadership team. Make any quick appointment temporary, so you have time to make the right long-term decision later, or even implement belated succession planning.

If the loss affects someone who holds equity, there will be commercial and legal issues to tackle. You will need to resolve these quickly, as it is highly destabilising to lose partial control of any of your company. The bereaved family will not share your priority or sense of urgency, so give them enough time before you open discussions, and lay out the options and implications for them.

Death in the work family is disruptive, but it does not have to be destructive. It can also be a force for good. We can remember legacies, like Tony Hsieh at Zappos. We can enshrine and follow their principles, like Steve Jobs. And on a personal level, we can discover more about people. The very best stories often emerge post-mortem, when the work façade is no more. These stories can cast them in a different light, revealing hidden depths and a profound sense that we were lucky to know and work with them. And these stories should serve to make us more inquisitive and empathetic about those colleagues who are very much alive.

UP AND TO THE RIGHT.
 

Sources and resources:

https://www.sueryder.org/sites/default/files/2021-01/Sue_Ryder_Grief_in_the_workplace_report_0.pdf

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief

https://www.grief.org.au/uploads/uploads/Bereavement%20in%20the%20workplace.pdf